Dear Aphrodite, I have a friend who has said she loves me, romantically, but is not attracted to me physically. Lately, she has done something I feel I cannot forgive. I was in love with her; I wanted to help her as much as possible. I committed to giving her almost anything she wanted, but she seemed to want me to help her destroy herself, and to show me that all I have invested in our friendship was worthless to her. I’ve given her a third chance, which is something I almost never do. Should I be there for her — or walk away? – Patrick
Dear Patrick,There’s a saying that comes to mind, “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.” You’ve been disappointed by this relationship twice now, and yet you’ve given her a third chance. You’ve put yourself in a position to be hurt again, and it’s not even a gamble. It’s practically guaranteed.
You have natal South Node conjunct Neptune in Sagittarius in the seventh house. It’s currently being transited by Saturn, which explains why this is unraveling right now. It’s time to get clear that your pattern of believing that you need to save or help someone, with your unconditional love for them, isn’t working for you. This isn’t about whether she deserves your love or forgiveness – on an ultimate level, everyone deserves that. You just can’t save people from themselves; it doesn’t help them and it creates chaos for you. Sometimes the most loving thing to do for another is to walk away and let them find their way.
Neptune is not Venus. That’s causing you some confusion in your life, so let me help clarify: Neptune is the planet of impersonal, universal, friendly love. It’s the kind of love you have for the beauty of nature, the rapture of beautiful music, the compassion you feel for a person who is sick, but it’s much too big to be given to just one person. Neptune reminds us that there’s a spiritual love much bigger than the personal, and so to work with Neptune effectively you need to learn how to connect with the archetype within your self, so you don’t project your need for an all-consuming, ecstatic love onto your personal relationships. Otherwise, the partners you end up choosing will be beautifully wounded, or ask you to give up your essential identity (your values, needs, wants and boundaries) in order to be with them. In your work life, this may be different- in other words, you can be a very compassionate and supportive on-going presence for others, professionally, without asking for much, if anything, in return. Just not personally.
This is a huge lesson for you, and may be repeated several times over the course of your life, which is why I’m elaborating.
Here’s the major difference between Neptune’s agape love style and Venus’ very personal one, and how you can tell if you’re in dangerous territory. Your Venus must feel valued, appreciated, and feel the relationship is mutual, or you won’t be fulfilled and happy (Neptune doesn’t need this, not really). Notice my emphasis of the word mutual. If your intimate partners do not treat you with the same respect and love you give to them, you are heading into very rocky territory, my friend. You are in danger of crashing on Neptune’s rocky shores. In intimacy, you must continually move your alliance from Neptune to Venus.
With your Venus in Leo, oodles of mutual appreciation, love, affection, enthusiasm on a very personal level, from your number one fans, is a must-have in love! You are ready to have fun, and heal some of the karmic wounds you’ve experienced of feeling unseen, unappreciated or invisible to your romantic partners. Venus in Leo reflects your soul desire to experience a very personal love –not just one where you become the tragic love carrier for someone who can’t return it to you (Neptune-South Node-Seventh House).
It’s time to buck up, with Saturn, do the hard work of drying out, emotionally, and separate from her. You don’t have to stop loving your friend (which may be impossible). Instead, love her from afar, send her your goodwill and prayers. This doesn’t mean you don’t want to be in her daily life, obviously. It means she is simply not healthy or mutual enough to be in yours — and more importantly, that you love your self, more!
